i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
