Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
my liver is dry heaving
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize