Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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