Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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