they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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