Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
