she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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