I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
