dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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