1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
