she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have post one night stand depression
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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