you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
