He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
