If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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