Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize