I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
