We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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