I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
