careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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