toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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