we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
