So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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