You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize