So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
