I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
