I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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