There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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