It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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