Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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