so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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