My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
