We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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