My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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