I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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