I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
