I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My bed smells like the plague
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
