is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
