Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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