I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
