AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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