I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
