im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
