paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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