I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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