Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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