yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
