i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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