well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize