i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize