i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
