marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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