Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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