Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
