The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Holy shit dude........stairs
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