I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Boobs are out for the taking
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
