He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
being pregnant is like rehab
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
