Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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