I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize