You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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