Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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