Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
