its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
