i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
