I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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