party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
