Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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