if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
