Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't deserve a penis
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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