Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
