you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
