I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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