LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
