ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
