he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
