You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
