last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
