Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
