I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
