Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
