marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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