Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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