I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
