I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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