we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
