Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My vagina is officially offended.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize