I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
