A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
