could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
