Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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