We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
