smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
