ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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