I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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