i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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