Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
