Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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