I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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